i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
