She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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