So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize