I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
