Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
