Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
