remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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