sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
