Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
