i was born a porn star she said
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
