Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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