with your own penis?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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