How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize