11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
