Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
