yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
