why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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