dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
