I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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