$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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