I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
