So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
