trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
