when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
