Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
