yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
