Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize