I just saw a hot homeless man
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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