Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
