Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have so many feelings about this burrito
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I forget how to act sober
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize