you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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