Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
