he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
