hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
