After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
