Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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