I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
