the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
