Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize