you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
