All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
