Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
