Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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