what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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