I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize