What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
