saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
