Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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