remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think a kid would responsible me up
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
