I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
