I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize