Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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