he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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