bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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