see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
