I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
