Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize