You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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