Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
