I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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