last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
