WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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