There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
