Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
