Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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