Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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