oh god the rape fog is back!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
