the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
accomplished twins. life is a go
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
