I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Randomize
