stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
