He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
