Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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