God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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