Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
