His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
