We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
