So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
