It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
