Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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