You're completely useless in the revolution.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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