so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize