the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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