You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
