after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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