You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
