Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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