I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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